How to deal with a narcissistic family member, expert reveals
What's the story
Dealing with a narcissistic family member can be challenging, as they may engage in gaslighting, love-bombing, or constant criticism.
While you may love them because they are family, you also have to protect yourself and your sanity from their crazy-making, control-seeking tactics.
To learn effective coping strategies, we reached out to Ramya Shripathi, an ICF-approved life coach specializing in narcissistic abuse recovery.
Positive affirmations
Recite positive affirmation
Shripathi suggests practicing daily empowering positive affirmations to help you overcome the gaslighting and abuse from the narcissistic family member.
"Rebuild your broken self-confidence and remember you are worthy and enough just the way you are. You need not prove yourself or do something in order to be loved," she says.
This self-empowerment allows you to set healthy boundaries and protect your emotional well-being.
Document evidence
Document evidence
Shripathi advises you to keep a record of the abuse you have faced from the narcissistic family member.
"Create a secure folder where you can save screenshots of their abusive texts, videos, and audio clips. Share this evidence with a trusted family member or friend to ensure its safety in case the abusive family member tries to delete or tamper with it," she says.
Information
Why is it necessary to document evidence?
As per the life coach, maintaining a timeline of events and documenting can be helpful if you ever decide to take legal action against them in the future. Also, this documentation process can bring clarity to your thoughts and emotions, helping you to cope better.
Grey rock
Practice grey rock
The life coach advises practicing "grey rocking" or emotional detachment from the toxic family member.
"Remember that their actions or words don't really define your worth and it speaks more about their own internal struggles and inability to deal with them than it is about you. Do not try to seek their validation as they will only misunderstand or criticize you further," she adds.
Meaning
Find your purpose
"Find your sense of purpose and rediscover your joy," suggests Shripathi.
She recommends joining "classes that give you an opportunity to interact" with new people who can help divert your mind from overthinking about the abuse while offering fresh perspectives.
She further advises to "keep yourself mentally and physically active" and spend time under the sun daily, as the sun's rays have healing benefits.
Self-compassion
Treat yourself with kindness
"Treat yourself with kindness and compassion and know that you deserve love, respect, and happiness," echoes Shripathi.
"Forgive yourself for not recognizing the signs or not standing up for yourself earlier. You did your best with the awareness you had. Educate yourself about narcissistic abuse so that you remain aware and can readily identify any red flags that come your way," she adds.
Forgiveness
Embrace forgiveness
The narcissistic abuse recovery expert advises you to embrace forgiveness and be willing to forgive your abusers.
"Remember, there's no rush. You do it for your mental peace and not to allow the abuser access to your life again. Holding onto your boundaries and refusing to be guilt-tripped into abandoning them is crucial for your healing process," she adds.
Gaslighting
Don't let anyone convince you that it is okay
"If you're a survivor of emotional, psychological, or verbal abuse don't let anyone gaslight you into believing that it's acceptable," she emphasizes.
"Abuse is never acceptable in any form, and you mustn't tolerate it. Don't allow anyone else to continue to torment you mentally, demean, or continually criticize everything about you. You deserve better and your body and mind need deep healing," she concludes.