Ways to stop being a people-pleaser
When you prioritize others over yourself to the point where your own needs become secondary, it becomes people-pleasing. And this can largely take a toll on your mental health, draining your energy, instilling low self-esteem, and leaving you with poor coping skills. People-pleasers are afraid of making others upset and live their life only doing what keeps others happy.
Set boundaries
People-pleasers are alien to the concept of boundaries, which is why it is important to set some. One effective way you can do this is by making a list of things that make you feel used or unimportant and ranking them in order of frequency. Initially, minimize but eventually stop being readily available for those things and replace them with some feel-good activities.
Learn to say 'no'
The list-making technique shared above can also help you in saying no. How? Well, when you deny doing something from the list that makes you feel wasted, you consciously free yourself from the expectations to be always available for people and their needs. When you politely reject offers/invites, you have more time to focus on what you can say yes to.
Include some 'me-time' in your daily schedule
Reserve some time for yourself daily to be concerned about your dreams, goals, needs, and wants. Use this time to stay undisturbed and cut off from the world, which can help you work on your innate habit of showing up whenever someone needs you. Givers embrace an unlimited capacity for giving, whereas takers show no hesitation in taking more. It's crucial you realize this.
Stand up for yourself
Setting boundaries also includes others respecting them, probably more than you do. Learn to stand up for yourself whenever you feel that you are being taken for granted or left uncared for. And there are multiple ways in which you can do so, right from being confrontational to being subtle. With their response, you can also identify if you are in a toxic relationship.
Make yourself a priority
It is important to realize that you are not a pizza that can make everyone happy. No matter what you do, there will always be someone who will be unhappy with your choices, so you might as well just upset some more people. Focus on pursuing what genuinely brings you happiness and contentment. Prioritizing yourself is not selfish; it is primarily centered around self-care.
