India finally has its #MeToo, can't go wrong from here
There is a skeleton in every closet - some skeletons are rotten, some have been there since forever, while some have just entered. Yes, I am talking about India's #MeToo. Now that the elephant in the room has been addressed, how do we make sure it doesn't vanish away in a few days? And, more importantly, what should you and I do in these deeply troubling times?
Disclaimer: This is not a tutorial, but a heartfelt post
This one is for all the women who are deeply disturbed by this whole #MeToo movement, who don't know what to do. Should we stop trusting every man? And, what can we do to change our friends who never came across misogynists to us? Are all men bad?
Here's the hard truth, for me and you to accept
While growing up, if there is one thing my middle class parents taught me, it was "ladka ladki ek samaan." The other thing they taught me was - if I work hard enough, I can change my destiny. Now that I have grown up and have had my fair share of experiences, I know neither of the two lessons is true. I can be as talented, smart, hard-working, humble as the guy next door, but I can never be as privileged as him, my Ivy League degree notwithstanding.
Not #AllMen, but yes #AllWomen
Before you jump guns, I am aware of the fact that it is not a man's fault that he is more privileged than a woman. He is at fault only when he exploits his privilege. So, no #NotAllMen are mean, but yes, #AllWomen have been harassed/treated badly/subjected to undue misogyny at some point or another. And, it is not a function of education, power, or socioeconomic status. It is a deeper epidemic.
War, not battle: We have to pick our battles right
Now that we have acknowledged that the world has been designed unfairly, it is imperative that we pick our battles right. Can we change the sexual predators? No. Should we call them out? Hell, yes. Should we ignore casual sexism? No. Will this fix misogyny? Not necessarily. Will violence towards women end in our lifetimes? Maybe. But, can we all become a little more human? For sure. It is a war, not a battle. And, we all are warriors. If you lose sight, we can't win.
We can't be winning all the battles, at once
For us to win, they don't have to lose
But for us to win, men don't have to lose. The response to misogyny is not misandry. It is not their fight, even the good hearted ones don't understand what we go through. The idea is not to belittle them, but educate them. The idea is also to believe in the goodness of people and bring the reform - uprooting deep-seeded misogyny would need time, logic and patience. As for the predators, let law handle them.
Where do we go from here?
But, what do we do? If you are a man, there are two things for you 1) Understand, this is not your fight and you don't have to run a parallel campaign to prove your innocence. 2) Listen when she speaks up, and speak when she can't. If you are a woman, your battle has just begun. You will have to reform countless men - sometimes by talking to him, sometimes by showing your anger, but never by keeping quiet.
