Why don't victims of sexual abuse speak up?
After Tanushree Dutta alleged Nana Patekar of sexual harassment, some 10 years later after the incident, everyone is questioning her- if she's actually telling the truth or if this allegation marks her comeback in the limelight. Now think of it this way, there's a man whom everyone adores for helping the farmers and there's a woman known for her sleazy roles. Sadly, the burden of proof lies on the victim, but why?
To begin with, whom would you believe?
It's not unlikely that you would, like the others, blame the actress for finding a way back to Bollywood and what else is better than playing the victim card? Now let me tell you that thoughts like these have shut many sexual assault victims who wanted to come out and speak against the Patekars, Weinsteins, Cosbys and Spaceys of the world but chose silence.
Before jumping guns, know that speaking up takes courage
Everyone, who read Dutta's controversy, huffed in judgment. "Why didn't she talk sooner?" "What was she waiting for?" But can the judgment bench stop for a moment and realize it took her a lifetime of courage and commitment to speak, knowing fully well that it could jeopardize her career? But she spoke nonetheless. This one is for her courage.
And, speaking up is just the beginning
All the while you judge her and blame her for the incident that happened to her, how can you even ask why don't women speak? Speaking up doesn't solve the problem. It's just the beginning of a process that drags to the courtroom, involves the loved ones, casts a cloud over career and needs the retelling of a uniquely horrifying incident time and again.
Oh, the never-ending shame and stigma, and then some more
In a country where women aren't "allowed" to roam around after dark, the reason they stay silent is simple - shame and stigma. The fear of not being believed, and fear of being tagged as a liar add to it. They don't just worry about the "reputation" of their family, but also of the perpetrator who, as per NCRB, is known in 98% cases.
Plus, there is denial- the perfect armour
And, some of the victims don't want to relive the torture. They seek solace in an alternate reality, the one in which the abuse never happened and everything is hunky-dory. They hide behind a facade of success, competence, and achievement, believing that it would overpower the past abuse. Being the victim is highly stigmatized and nobody wants to be viewed as damaged. Hence, they pretend to live a lie.
Victims are doubted and ignored
In a country where cops and politicians blame the victims for being raped and doubt her case, in a country where cops think the girl is crying rape because the "relationship" didn't go well or because her "demands" weren't met, how difficult do you think is speaking? Very. Won't you also avoid coming ahead when you think you'll be ignored, or treated with contempt?
Are you still wondering why women don't speak?
Apart from the above-mentioned factors, there are other reasons responsible for women being quiet. For instance, an abused girl would not know whom to go to, trust and confide in. Similarly, in work place harassment, women are often scared it'll spoil their career. Women still are blamed for being assaulted. Think about it. They are blamed if they speak out, and if they don't!
The silence is forced upon women
Next time, before you question a victim, about why she didn't come forward, try retracing your way back to the consequences she's scared of and look at our community that doesn't want to acknowledge the crime. Next time, before you ask why, remember nobody wants to stay silent but this silence has been forced upon us. Blaming her for crime and silence won't help.
